Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Biggest joke of 2017: Blake Shelton named sexiest man alive.

   I’m all about unity between the human race and truly believe it’s time we all wake up and realize that we’re all in this together. But when a “artist” wins an award at the VMA’s and thanks God and Justin Bieber in the same breath... It makes

   I bought a new Christmas Tree today. The shop owner said to me, "Are you going to put that up yourself?", "No" I replied, "I was thinking to put it in the Lounge!"

   Crustard: The dried mustard on the cap.

   "Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow" sound terrifying.

   If a man puts a vibrator to his ear he’ll hear how he’s not good in bed.

   Donald Trump drinks water the same way squirrels eat nutz.

   The way Hollywood actors are these days, Charles Manson may have simply been ahead of his time.

   This Thanksgiving, comedians, especially Alec Baldwin, should give thanks for Trump.

   Global Warming must be true, it seems a lot of snow flakes are melting this year.

   Kim jong nu looks like a korean garden gnome

   Upon learning about the death of his idol Charles Manson, Chuck Schumer wept and was quoted, "He taught me all that I know!"

   Gary Hinman, Sharon Tate, Jay Sebring, Abigail Folger, Wojciech Frykowski, Stephen Parent, Leno LaBianca and Rosemary LaBianca. Hopefully their families have a little peace tonight. There's a little less evil in world.

   If Charles Manson doesn’t bust hell wide open I don’t know who will.

   White house report: Trump to pardon himself this week........ oh ! My mistake, it's a real turkey to be pardon.

   Your posts are going viral, just like herpes.

   Before you open your mouth about Trump, try to understand. No One Likes You.

   Holy crap! With all these famous people getting the skeletons pulled out of their closets, I'm starting to feel like a saint.

   Trump is telling 59,000 Haitians, currently living legally in the United States, to self-deport. Whats even more mind boggling is you people see nothing wrong with that? Why is he on a mission to target blacks???

   Of course you can use bacon grease as furniture polish. *licks coffee table*