Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Message to NFL Players taking a knee....It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you.

   "Why would I want to thank a Vet when he cut my balls off?" -The Dog

   Jaws 3-D (1983): shark with no connection or knowledge of either of the first 2 sharks avenges their deaths, wearing 3-D glasses.

   I’m just here for the unsolicited parenting and relationship advice.

   For the record, people don't get arrested and indicted on "no evidence" but continue on with your delusions.

   A russian young lady of fassion had oodles and oodles of passion to her lovers she said as the climb into bed here's one thing those commies can't ration

   How is Monday the 13th not as scary as Friday the 13th?!

   A good example of mixed emotions would be finding a hundred dollar bill nailed to your tire.

   I don't know why I ever joined Facebook, I mean like seriously, this is the worst dating website ever!

   I love how sharks swim around with their fins out like they want high fives, but then they're like, Screw you! ...and they eat your face off.

   Mexican word of the day: Nacho, Hillary Clinton is Nacho President!

   Sociopath: The Sociopath will always accuse you of doing the very thing that they are Guilty of. They do this to deflect attention from themselves.

   Democrats don’t like to address mental illness after a mass shooting because they don’t want to alienate their base.

   The Hero who shot the Texas church shooter was a NRA Certified Instructor armed with an AR15.

   The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.

   My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don't run into anyone you know.

   I don't need anger management. I need for people to stop pissing me off.

   I lived through Obama. You'll live through Trump.

   A friend is typing..........A friend is typing.........A friend is typing..........A friend is typing..........A friend is typing.......A friend is typing.........A friend is typing........A friend is typing...........A friend is typing......... Hey!

   My mechanic couldnt fix my breaks so he put in a louder horn.