Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5476 of 6446

Progressive Rock: A musical genre which requires an inordinate amount of time and skill to write, rehearse, record and perform, only to bore 90% of all music fans to tears.
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04-22-2017 14:22 by Blozart
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Earth is a beautiful planet. However, it's the disproportionate number of its horrible 7.5 billion inhabitants that were responsible for it receiving only 1 star on Intergalactic Yelp.
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04-22-2017 14:57 by Mick
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Happy Earth Day. I'm did my part by vacuuming all of the dirt out of my car and putting it back on the ground where it belongs.
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04-22-2017 16:46
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Apparently today is Earth Day? I wish someone would have told me that before I went outside and cut millions of blades of grass in half and poisoned the yellow flowers in my yard. (actually, I would have done it anyway)
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04-22-2017 16:47
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It's finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.
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04-22-2017 19:02 by snotty
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The cashier at the grocery store asked if I wanted a paper or plastic bag. I said plastic. She goes, "You must have a pretty girlfriend."

it possible to get herpes over the internet? Asking for a friend who's dead meat when my wife, I mean his wife finds out. Come on, she was hot!

Kids today have no idea how to manage their time. Back in my day, I was able to do 18 holes and still found to to play golf.
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04-23-2017 21:53 by Frank
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I think it's isensitive for Batman movies to be rated PG
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04-23-2017 23:01
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The Fate of the Furious: mindless drivel supported by today's mindless moviegoers. Proving how easy it is nowadays to separate an idiot from his money.
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04-24-2017 03:21
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I got in touch with my feminine side this morning. I made myself breakfast.

The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn't enough...
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04-24-2017 10:45
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FOX needs to hire more women who look like Rachel Madcow. Problem solved.

I hope when I die, it's early in the morning so I don't go to work that day for no reason.
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04-24-2017 16:41
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I opened up this app & just keep swiping right at all the sexy pictures...I can't believe how many selfies I have stored in my pictures
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04-25-2017 03:01 by Eddy
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A recent survey indicates that the Smartphone is now the number one hand held device. The p3ni$ has now dropped to second place.
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04-25-2017 08:41
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I lost 3 pounds over the weekend.but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
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04-25-2017 08:48
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Feels weird when your computer asks if you'd like to continue unprotected....
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04-25-2017 10:04
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Can anyone tell me the name of that Jennifer Anniston movie? You know, the one where she plays the quirky girl who untimately finds love in the end?
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04-25-2017 12:04
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They say that inside every heavy person there's a thin person wanting to get out. I must have the entire cast of America's Next Top Model inside me.
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04-25-2017 13:28 by Mick
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