Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Fellas.. got itchy balls? Use Vicks vapor rub... your welcome

   I'll be at tomorrows inauguration. Don't folks, I'll bring back some real funny demi-crats status stuff.

   Thinking about opening a lingerie shop for plus size women ....... Gonna call it KING THONG

   I think I can beat up a group of ninjas. According to the movies, they must attack you one at a time while everyone else rocks back and forth in a absurd manner. So I think I have a chance!!!!

   All Slip and Fall classes will be cancelled after the Inauguration.

   If you're constantly sharing old memories on Facebook, does that mean you can't let go of your past?

   TODAY IS THE DAY OF ST. JUDE THADDEUS, PATRON SAINT OF IMPOSSIBLE CAUSES. If our new President ever needed all the help in the universe in straightening out the mess of the past 8 years, this Saint is the one.

   Ya know, that damn commercial lies! I spent 3 hrs yelling out my window "Its MY money and I want it now!!" Only thing I got was ticket for disturbing the peace!

   If the Russians Hacked the election system .... Wouldn't it be the candidate with the Most votes/Popular vote that the Russians were supporting?

   Today, my president is black. Tomorrow, my president is orange. I guess orange really is the new black

   Happy Trumpmas Eve!

   Circus shuts down..Obama leaves office... Coincidence? I think not

   I just ate a whole jar of expired mayonnaise!

   What do I like most about people? Their dogs....

   CONGRATS PRESIDENT OBAMA. You are truly a milestone. First president in our history to be at war for his WHOLE TERM. Great way to earn that Nobel Peace Prize.

   "Can I safely look at a picture of the sun on my phone? I know you not suppose to look at the sun, but how about a picture?" - My wife

   Presidents come and go, the pendulum swings back and forth ... America is 259 years old .... it has happened many times and we are still here ... so just Chill

   You know what I like about Politicians? ..... When they leave office. Heck, they're just like Diapers ... they need to be changed .... AND often!!!

   Anyone caught Rioting on Inauguration Day should lose their Welfare Benefits. Oh, and their Obama Phones too.

   Too bad these communist Russians cannot hack their economy and make it great.