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12-14-2016 11:14 by Fazz-O-Larry
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My therapist says I'm paranoid. Which is exactly what you might expect to hear from a shape-shifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts after they planted a microchip in my brain.
This is getting serious folks .... According to a report in Washington Post unnamed sources in the CIA are reporting that according to hacked e-mails, Vladimir Putin was the second gunman on the grassy knoll.
When I'm bored I like going to down to the train station, making eye contact with someone as the train pulls away and then chase after it while yelling "I LOVE YOU!"
A buddy of mine just told me he's been getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin...I said, "Wow, how can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother's got a moustache."
I overheard two people at work talking something about removing stubborn fat. Look, I know I could stand to lose a few pounds, but that's no reason to call me that name and try to get me fired.