Funny Status Messages

   Decided to put up a Christmas tree this year....wrestled with it a bit..finally got in in place... it smells like Christmas now.. and it looks real cool, hanging from my car's rear view mirror.

   ...... .♫♪♫..... it's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas... ♫♪♫

   ....... HA ... The liquor store clerk just wished me a Merry Christmas as if she weren't going to see me 12 more times before then.

   SCORE!!! .... I just bought my wife a 20 pound bag of Diamonds for Christmas......well they're diamonds in the rough....Well ... maybe EARLY stage diamonds...... but with enough time and pressure......they will be diamonds......Thanks Kingsford !

   This Wiki Leaks is getting out of control -- They just leaked Santa's Christmas list.

   I don't understand why people buy Christmas trees just to throw them away a month later. Heck ... Do they think Christmas trees grow on trees?

   All I want for Christmas is you ...... Just kidding I want Money

   Bought all of my Christmas gifts really early this year, Hope everyone likes Halloween costumes

   With winter less than a week away, I've come to the vivid realization that, as human beings, we've been shortchanged by nature. How come we don't get to hibernate?

   Thank god I don't have to hunt to eat, because I have no bloody clue where pizza lives.

   It always fascinates me when someone gets off a water ride angry because they got wet.

   Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone's cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.

   Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn't."

   Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the children's ball pit at Macdonald's. Not funny, grow up.

   I need an app that after the third time I press the snooze button, my phone pours cold water on my face.

   Swimming is basically having fun trying not to drown.

   For a detective, a surprise party is the ultimate insult.

   Every time I have a salad for lunch my stomach feels the same way a dog does when someone fake throws a tennis ball.

   Please God all I want to crave is lettuce, amen.

   TGI...Oh Crap, it's only Wednesday.