Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5368 of 6446

12 years of school, 4 years of college; so now I can type "c you @ 2" #reallife

Went to Starbucks this morning ordered coffee and told them my name was Trump. When my coffee was ready they started yelling my name. 4 out 5 people in the store started crying. It was hilarious....!!!
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11-17-2016 14:37
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They've never overturned the initial electoral vote. It's never been changed. Never. Like Michael Moore's underwear.
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11-17-2016 16:40 by Fazzella
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How can you say you like Maroon-5 ??.... Did you even try Maroons' 1 through 4 ??
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11-17-2016 17:31 by snotty
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Due to political correctness, "rapists" will now be called "unapproved lovers."
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11-17-2016 17:56
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Will Seth Meyers continue to be on television now that the Clinton 2016 team is dissolving?

Imagine someone trying to assassinate Trump and the secret service having to yell ,Donald Duck
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11-17-2016 21:32
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If at first you don't succeed, parachuting isn't for you
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11-17-2016 21:38
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Sir it would appear that you have sugar poisoning.... "You mean Diabetes?".. Ooh look at me, I'm a patient that knows all the diseases, ooh
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11-17-2016 22:08 by snotty
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My Bank called because they noticed "Highly Suspicious Activity" on my debit card. It was for a Gym Membership.
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11-18-2016 07:01
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I wish there were no women football announcers. Isn't there a badminton channel they can get a gig with?

New study finds that everyone you disagree with is are stupid.

If ignorance is bliss then there's a crap load of people in paradise....
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11-18-2016 15:33
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I'm almost positive that just before I get to Wallys some mental institution drops off its patients to go shopping
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11-18-2016 16:32
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Each mile you run adds 1 minute to your life, so when you're 80 you can spend an extra 6 months in a nursing home at $10,000 per month.
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11-18-2016 16:35
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One of the crappiest jobs in the world has to be a fruit stand vendor in an action movie..
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11-18-2016 16:37
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My morning pooh would be a lot more relaxing if it happened at home or at work instead of on my way to work
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11-18-2016 16:39
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If Batman and Catwoman had a baby, would it be Batcat, or Manwoman?
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11-18-2016 16:41
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My dad's decided to NOT move to Canada,,, He says he's "Angry",,, but not, "Learn the Metric System" angry..
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11-18-2016 18:13 by snotty
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I'm glad Alfac has a float in the #MacysThanksgivingDayParade... Little kids should always be reminded to buy supplemental health insurance.
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11-18-2016 18:19 by snotty
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