Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Liver: Is today your birthday? Me: No. I'm watching the Presidential Debate. Liver: Oh Ok, that makes sense. Please continue!!!

   It took him 5 seconds to talk about Mexico and China. *sigh*

   Of the 33,000 deleted emails, I think 32,000 of them were confirmation emails from Amazon for pant-suit purchases.

   It's ALLOWED not ALOUD you moron.

   I've never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.

   "The best kinda 'jobs' are under the table." - Bill Clinton

   .... Hillary reminded me of my condescending Mother in-law and Trump reminded me of my Grumpy Uncle

   The Cheshire Cat grin on Hillary's face during the debate was her surprise reaction to still being able to remain standing up for 90 minutes.

   Lester Holts hairline was the real loser of the debate.

   Lester Holts patience was the real loser of the debate

   It should be a rule that every political Facebook status or tweet should begin with - "First of all, I have absolutely no real idea what I'm talking about, this is just an uninformed opinion................."

   After the debate last night and according to tradition we should have a long hard winter....Both Hillary and Donald saw their shadows.

   That odd moment when, during the Presidential Debates, one of the candidates takes a moment to promote their book.

   Happy 18th birthday Google. You can officially go to a titty bar G ( . ) ( . ) G L E👍

   What's the word for when someone goes 1-100km/h in 7.5 sec in a relationship only to jump out as you engage cruise control?

   there is a room in hell where they play an endless loop of every time you told someone you loved them and they didn't say it back

   she was only a wrestler's daughter but you should have seen her box.

   A new poll says 74 percent of Americans will hand out candy to trick-or-treaters. While the other 26 percent plan to spend three hours hiding in the living room with the lights out.

   If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.

   All I'm saying is, would it have killed Star Wars to give the audience a peek at the Death Star cafeteria?