Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   says If the NBA really wanted me to watch, they'd be playing Hockey instead eh!!

   on Facebook for social networking; not for digital farms and aquariums. Quit asking me to adopt your fish or join your farm because really I don't care if your fish dies or if your entire farm burns. Thanks :)

   Irony is people complaining about Facebook's privacy settings when every other update is about their weekly visit to their gynecologist.

   I like to follow up a compliment with a threat. For example, "Nice shirt! I'll fight you for it."

   thinking of the immortal words of Socrates who said..."I drank what?"

   millions of my potential children died on your sisters face last night!!

   I would like to thank Benny Hill for turning me on to British humor and all natural Breast when I was a kid... Still funny and still awesome!!!

   Playing hide and go seek in walmart... I take mature and classy to whole new levels

   I Think there is in every girl's life a boy she'll never forget and a summer where it all began.

   Bottle of lotion $ 2.59, Box of Kleenex $3.19 Roll of pictures taken of random girls at the beach $6.50 Having your wife walk in and see it is not pictures of her , PRICELESS

   I hate allergies! Does anybody know how to turn Meth back into Sudafed? Just asking!

   concerned by the NBA champions LA LAKERS with Ron Artest thanking his "hood", Phil telling his guys to grab their loose balls, and Kobe doin work so much to get his man Phil back once again.

   wondering why he/she is talking in 3rd person, hmmm he/she is still thinking

   never going to Costco hungry again, I just spent 200 bucks on chips and dip...WTF!!?

   Thank you dad for not pulling out!! (to be used on father's day)

   writing his name on a steemed mirror,,,,,,

   thank you for trojan for sending the defective condom in the pack my parents bought, thanks to you, I'M HERE!!! Happy Fathers day DAD!!!!!

   When meeting your girlfriend's parents for the first time it's hard not to think to yourself... "I've licked your daughter's nipples."

   said to an ugly chick he wanted to give her ONE. ''I wouldnt touch you she said. ''I wouldnt touch you either'' I said, I was rating you out of TEN''

   didn't waste his time with Windows and bought a Mac instead. My name's Randee and common sense was my idea