Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   0110001001101111011011110110001001110011 hint: binary

   If this day were any better, I'd be pulling my pecker out from under an anvil...

   Just because you're a Navy SEAL doesn't make your sister pretty.

   Each Day we wake up and go about our daily business, the majority of us live oblivious to the seriousness of just how bad BP has really hurt all of us with their ongoing leak in the Gulf

   When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.

   loves each and every one of you. Happy opposite day everyone!

   come on BP...Mary Ann or Ginger would have had this leak in the Gulf fixed without any help from the Progessor BY NOW!!!!!

   Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

   FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS ARE AS FOLLOWS: * Wake/Viewing will be on Thurs., June 17th, 6 pm.* The funeral and burial will be at The Staples Center, 111 S. Figueroa Los Angeles, Ca. 90015..* Special invited guests include K. Bryant, D. Fisher, R. Artest, P. Gas

   theres so much more room for activites!!!

   Really classmate.com you're really gonna stay in business...even though Facebook does what you do for free?

   When sh*t dont look right, Start a fight.

   If the NBA really wanted me to watch, they'd be play Football instead!!

   is wondering why people ask tall people if they play basket ball but not ask short people if they work for willy wonka

   The strawberry shampoo doesn't taste as good as it smells.

   heard that Greece won at the world cup today...given their recent debt write downs it's a good thing they didn't have to buy a goal.

   Fact: If a person thinks they're big enough to stick their nose in someone else's buisness, be big enough to take it when it gets bitten off!

   Dear Life, You have some explaining to do...

   I can't wait to go home and rip off my ex-girl friend's underwear!! They have been giving me wedgies all day

   hates facebook! you ever go to click on someones name in chat n they log off.