Funny Status Messages

   Pokemon Go is already more popular than Tinder, another app where you swipe to find monsters in your area.

   How many points do I get if I hit a Pokemon Go player with my car?

   Has anyone tried the new Trump APP its like Pokemon but instead your looking for Mexican's..

   I keep a glass of water on the nightstand in case I want to get up in the middle of the night and spill something.

   Even Clint Eastwood's chair is refusing to appear at the Republican National Convention.

   The closest I get to reading a book is the synopsis of a movie I'm about to watch.

   Trick friends into believing you went on a tropical vacation by having your hair braided.

   It's not polluting if the bottles you throw out of the car window into the lake have a note inside of them.

   Does chewing on a slipper while having sex count as 'doggy style'?

   Kids wonder about too many things for people who haven't been high.

   Apply NRA Logic To Anything: My best friend's cat would have been alive if he'd been able to defend himself against quantum mechanics.

   Question: Is military coup an option for the 2016 US presidential election?

   I think all 3 of my ex girlfriends have sold Herbalife, so yeah, I'm doing really great!!!

   Ironically, the new Trump-Pence campaign logo looks like it would be illegal in Indiana.

   Everyone is an atheist until you drop their baby....

   Done! Just completed my weekend to-do list from 2007.

   I'm old enough now to realize the only pork in "Pork and Beans" was an inedible piece of bacon fat

   The NRA finally said how to tell a good guy with a gun from a bad guy with a gun. It involves pigmentation.

   A new poll says 50% want Trump and 50% want Killary... Me?... I just want a lobotomy..

   Watching Donald Trump's interview is like watching someone have a conversation with a sock puppet.