Funny Status Messages

   Those miniature bottles of alcohol at the liquor store should be free samples while you shop.

   I like to leave random messages like "I'm pregnant -- Call me" on random car windshields in the shopping mall parking lot.

   I never date left handed women. Righty tighty, lefty loosey.

   Whatever life throws at you, duck and let it hit someone else!

   The real problem with the upcoming election is one of them is going to win...

   Indians seem to always have a Discount. I asked Rajesh what time is it? He replied, " Its 3 O'clock my friend but for you I will make it 2.30".

   Bat : $300. Killer Sunglasses: $200. Batting Gloves: $30. Getting called out on strikes in slow pitch softball: PRICELESS.

   No matter how good looking she is, somewhere a man is tired of her crap... Jayz

   Anybody have the over/under on the number of bathroom door labels that will be available at the Democratic National Convention?

   A picture only captures a millisecond of a life. So at the end of the day, don't judge a person by their pics.

   With all the controversy surrounding public restrooms, I am now identifying myself as 'waiting til I get home'

   Help I don't know what to do I just learn my Bathroom is used by Males and Females so guess its a Transgender Bathroom. Do I boycott it?

   Started my new healthy diet today. Breakfast is 2 almonds, I lick an apple for lunch, and dinner is yelling at a picture of myself naked.

   Listen,, If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.

   I don't care if you're male or female as long as you fill the paper roll the right way. Oh, and make sure the seat is down...

   A zip line but from the sofa to the fridge

   I love coffee, but if someone with a British accent offers me crumpets and tea, l would totally cheat.

   You can tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.

   Come on people I don't think we are ready for a woman president!! I can't believe no ones asking her the important questions like can she cook!!!

   Just wondering, will there be any Transgendered bathrooms at the Republican National Convention this summer?