Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   On our 1st date she wanted to take me to a strip club, but I wasn't ready to meet her mother.

   I just got a text saying... I'm Not The Girl Ur Mother Warned you About,,, Her Imagination Was Never This Good. Umm... you wanna come over?

   2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout "air in the hands mother stickers this is a f*ck up"

   Mother Earth will soon die. We still have the universe. :D

   can officially call myself a man today, made cupcakes on my own without the help of mother!

   You go to bed right now mister... How dare you post on here about your mother you are grounded for a week with no lemon bar deserts!

   got a job...single mother and can't even get help from the government because I make $100 too much...might as well be on welfare!

   My mother sent me a private message on fb, telling me that I shouldn't post things that some people might find offensive. after much soul searching I had to do the right thing, so I unfriended her !

   God said: "I cannot be everywhere, So I created MOTHER!" The Devil Replied: "Even I can't be everywhere, So I created MOTHER-IN-LAW!!!"

   playing punch buggy with your mother

   Getting snubbed by the left turn arrow at an intersection after waiting your turn is annoying. Getting skipped twice? I will murder you, light! But a third time?! Clearly a valid legal defense for blowing right through that mother f*cker.

   I'd stand a much greater chance at checking out those spam porn emails if they didn't read something like, "young cuties horses XXX mother/son gangbang bondage erotica!" Uh, all at the same time, or...?

   I would like to wish a happy Labor Day to all the mother out there.

   Like all moms, there are days when Mother Nature just wants to feel sexy. Somehow, this leads to hurricanes.

   just changed my profile date of birth and was really loving all the attention until my mom wished me a Happy Birthday. My own mother didn't even know my real birthday is not until April.

   Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

   You know you're a mother when you hide in the bathroom to be alone!

   My mother sent me a private message on fb, telling me that I shouldn't post things that some people might find offensive. after much soul searching I had to do the right thing, so I unfriended her !

   A little boy examines his privates while in the bath. "Mommy, are these my brains?" His mother says, "Not yet."

   My mother sent me a private message on fb, telling me that I shouldn't post things that some people might find offensive. after much soul searching I had to do the right thing, so I unfriended her