Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why don't blind men skydive?...........Because it scares the sh*t out of the dog.

   went to the dark side but came back cause they lied about having cookies....

   He hate hangovers..I mean the drinking part is awesome though.

   People reckon I'm too patronising (that means I treat them as if they're stupid).

   They say that licking the back of a frog cures depression. The only problem is that once you stop,the frog gets depressed again.

   Ladies, we need to sitdown and have a talk about these painted on eyebrows yall be wearin..

   theres more characters on facebook than the chinese language.

   Remember to always be yourself. Unless you suck. In that case, be me ;)

   wants everyone to remember that when it seems like God has turned His back on you and He seems so far away....remember this...He's not the One that moved.

   Everybody's gonna hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.

   all for 7 day weekends

   We Need Captain Planet ,Let are Powers Combined

   If a large box of cereal is considered "Family Size", would a large box of condoms be considered "Prevent a Family" size?

   Roses are red. Violets are blue. She has 5 fingers and the middle one's for you.

   If you kill two birds with one stone, ..you'd better be prepared for those damn PETA people to show up at your door.

   You Canadians spell humor as "humour." American humor is better. We can do it without u.

   Even if you preface it with "I think strippers smell nice", saying "You smell like a stripper" has a way of being misconstrued.

   Maytag just recalled 1.7 million dishwashers. This immigration issue is really getting out of hand.

   Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.

   My super power is finding out about really cool sh*t after it happens.