Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   found a sweet new keyboard shortcut. I wish I'd known about it before, it's so much faster! I love you ALT + F4. You make my life easy.

   is thinking that Facebook must be female. Just when you think you've figured her all out, she change...

   I love to walk in fog , so nobody knows am smoking (̅_̅_̅_̅(̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے~ ~

   HEY, !!!!!!!! -------------> ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐

   thinks sleep is for people without Internet access.

   thinks that if your relationship status says, "It's complicated" that you should stop kidding yourself and change it to "Single"

   finding a good man is like trying to nail Jello to a tree.

   If it hadn't been BP it would have been someone else. There are thousands of rigs around the world still pumping away as we speak and I haven't heard anyone mention inspection of their blowout preventers....

   I've bin so stressed lately I can't wait to get home and "bust a nut" and by "bust a nut" I mean I hope the wife bought pistachios!

   You've only got three choices in life: Give up, give in, or give it all you've got.

   Watched Justin Beiber preform tonight on Amercan Idol and realized there is one thing worse than eternal hell....being Justin Beiber's background singer!

   Bingo! I love that game, but I can't remember what to say when you win.

   Trying is the first step toward failure.

   Some people on this planet are why we don't have a Waffle House on the Moon!

   the only thing more funny then this stupid status update is that your still taking time out of your busy day to read it..

   totally against selling babies for beer, but teenagers that's another story.

   Does anyone besides me think the new Olympic Mascots resemble sex toys?????

   If you must lie about your age, do what I do... tell people you're ninety-seven...they'll think you look freakin great!

   The grass may be greener on the other side, but you'll eventually have to mow it:)

   so I finally got rid of all the FB recommended pages and ADs, Woo Hoo. take that FB