Aaron Funny Status Messages

   Life is too short to remove the USB safely.

   Just picked some lettuce out a sandwich and then added a cheese slice. If anyone wants the recipe, let me know.

   Sorry I hung up on you, I didn't mean to answer the call.

   I'm giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud

   "You'll see!! THEY'LL ALL SEE!!!!" - an optometrist throwing glasses into the screaming crowd from a parade float

   "He's bleeding out!" The physician yells, "Mr. Kool aid man we need to do a transfusion, what's your blood type?" He replies weakly "O-yeah"

   The great tragedy of the cactus is that their arms are always open, eagerly anticipating the hug that will never come.

   Frogger taught me the importance of looking both ways before hopping across the road.

   If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they've been drinking in order to establish dominance.

   Hold on I'm about to count my money. Alright I'm done.

   "You swallow 8 spiders a night" I repeat to myself over and over looking for more. I have only consumed 5. It's 4am. Dawn will break soon.

   "You drive me to drink!" -I shout at my taxi driver.

   I wish there was some kind of signal drivers could use on their car to notify other drivers that they're turning.

   Single guy "I can't do anything right." Married guy "I can't do anything, right?"

   I'm not gonna be able to come out tonight I already sat down

   Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia. There’s a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.

   Before drinking an "energy drink", pause to consider this: How are you going to use that extra energy to better serve Christ?

   I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it.

   I wear a ski mask to bed so if there's a home invasion the intruder will think I'm part of the team.

   I think the winner should aspire to greater things than a chicken dinner...