Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It is a sad day, "Hundreds of thousands of illegal immigrants that now live in Arizona, may no longer feel welcome." --CBS anchor Katie Couric

   I wish I had a kryptonite cross, that way I could defeat superman and dracula at the same time

   They send you off to college to try to gain a little knowledge, but all you wanna do is learn how to score

   I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises

   Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose...

   Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy

   If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee!

   Never believe anything until it has been officially denied

   A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin

   I told my family that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle....so they got up, unplugged my computer, and threw out my vodka :(

   should be a store without greasy, mcdonalds eating, welfare collecting ppl...We can call it "Smallmart"

   wondering how Chad Ochocinco is celebrating his Cinco de May?

   get's the feeling that whenever Sarah Palin sees a Pro-Sarah bumper sticker, she rolls down the window, goes "WHOOP, WHOOP, WHOOP!!!!" and generally makes a fool of herself.

   would like to thank all his friends who came out to his intervention. Let's get together and do this every year!

   might not be the sharpest marble in the crayon box

   we call it MAY 5TH on this side of the border

   thinks that constant nagging of a girfriend is a real turn off...

   So is this where I'm supposed to type a heartfelt sentence, or a quote or something describing how I feel and stuff? Cool, mine's far more complicated to be typed here.

   Cinco de Mayo...when we commemorate the sinking of the great Spanish Mayonnaise flotilla which liberated Mexico from the iron grip of the Spanish mayonnaise monopolies...

   A recent study conducted by UCLA just discovered that doing just about anything increases your risk of death.