santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I'd like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...

   Just remember this holiday season, if you say "May you kiss may ass" really fast, it sound just like "Merry Christmas"..

   If I win $425 Million next Wednesday, what do you want for Christmas?

   I know what I'm getting all my Mayan friends for Christmas!

   Next time I see a dead deer on the side of the road, I'm gonna leave and come back dressed as Santa with a sign that says "Help, need ride!"

   Know what I going to Buy to My MAYAN friend for Christmas.

   No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with!

   Hey Holidays,,,, either start later or get more songs.

   When I was a kid I wrote to Santa Clause to "please send me a baby brother",,,,,,Santa wrote back "send me your mother"!

   Watching Nightmare Before Christmas with a nice mug of wine and a bag of Doritos. This is the post-graduate life.

   My Christmas card this year is going to be a photo of a me in a recliner drinking a beer while watching football. It will say "Happy Holidays from a single guy."

   Mowing the grass on December 1st. Like every year, I'm having a green Christmas.

   it's that time of the year to again remind all the douchebags that think Xmas is a word that they are all going to Hell...

   The Hot New Toy this Christmas season will be "Outsource Me Elmo" Which is simply an empty box as Elmo's job has now gone to a Muppet in Asia.

   during the local christmas parade tonight, the local hospital had a float that read "more than a hospital"...yeah, they're also a morgue

   A cute thing I tell my kids is that if you fart while sitting on Mall Santa's lap, Real Santa will bring you extra presents.

   It's December! I guess it's time to pretend I'm putting up the Christmas lights... that I never took down from last year

   Its That time of the year to start wearing my Christmas outfit. Its all black, I have less chances of being seen when I am out at night rearranging peoples yard deer in to sex poses. I just feel Christmas needs more Ninjas!

   ur as fake as my Christmas tree

   I wonder if the Three Wise Men said to Jesus, "Just to be clear, these gifts are for your birthday AND Christmas."