Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?

   Trying to find your phone when its on silent is one of life`s hardest tasks.

   I must be allergic to peanuts. I break into a rash every payday.

   Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better about downloading music from the internet.

   I Googled "Gary Oldman" and got some pretty disturbing images - he's really let himself go, I thought. Then I realised I'd left the "R" out.

   I hear someone's going around stealing all the coffee from the poor. I don't know how he can sleep at night,

   Life is like a p*nis, it's short but it seems so long when it gets hard.

   Reasons people claim to be gay: 3% - are actually gay 97% - forgot to log out of facebook

   The spider in my shower was probably relieved to get washed down the drain after the view of me he got from that angle.

   it's a jungle out there and I ain't lion!