Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   There's only one perfect child in the world; and every mother has it! Happy Mother's Day

   Anybody can be a mother...and too many have no kids...and aren't women...so I wish you a Happy Mommy's Day!

   A mother my have a thousand daughters but a daughter has only one mother

   Hold your mother today, she was the first to hold you, she held you for 9 months.

   The tag "in bed" that makes fortune cookies so funny, makes Mother's Day cards creepy. Just sayin' (uncle Bill!).

   Nothing is sweeter than finding out that the cute boy who dumped you in the 12th grade lives in his mother's basement.

   When you first start dating a girl, they say to look at their Mother to see how they'll look as they age. However.....I feel very judgmental when their Mother is practically the same age as I am:)

   "Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother."

   filled out an application that said, "In Case Of Emergency Notify". I wrote "Doctor"... What's my mother going to do?

   my mother always taught me to lick it before I stick it

   Dear mother nature, now I know that last year when you made it rain for 40 days and 40 nights we had some words. This year if you ruin my summer again I might have to go against all of what I believe and choke a b***h!

   My mother sent me a private message on fb, telling me that I shouldn't post things that some people might find offensive. after much soul searching I had to do the right thing, so I unfriended her !

   watching the neighborhood kids play hide and seek. Now I know whose mom is on drugs. I'm guessing its the mother of the kid yelling "Olly Olly Oxycontin!"

   Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.

   a single father of about 4 million kids swimming around fighting to make it to their mother's egg

   Even greater than that of a mother... Is the tender, passionate, undying love, Of one beer drunken slob for another.”

   His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.

   made two batches of brownies at a friend's house, one plain and one special. accidentally brought the wrong batch home to my very mormon mother. she's laughing her ass off at george carlin right now

   Mother, I would appreciate it if you didn't use scented laundry detergent, I don't feel like walking around smelling like Fresh Mountain Breeze...

   There is only one woman who has truly changed me. It was my mother and I was a baby.