Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   letting you know your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory

   naked and playing twister with the cat .

   pulling up his pants..and saying no to crack

   more frustrated than a legless Ethiopian watchin' a donut roll down a hill..

   thinking so what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.

   eating the papers inside his books hoping that it will go straight to his brain

   laying in the road dressed as a deer

   "sniffing glue, going to the zoo, gonna free all the kangaroos. Suck it Dr. Seuss!"

   joining the army. He hears it's a great way to meet people. Then kill them.

   legally dead for tax purposes

   throwing a clock out the window seeing if time really will fly...

   just not that into you.

   fed up of talking about himself in the 3rd person. Stupid (name)!

   beta testing your mom.

   "the kid next door's, imaginary friend"

   divulging his mind in the complexities of t... ooo look a kitty

   having trouble watering the plastic plants

   playing strip monopoly with a Russian sailor and a midget called Greg

   a Figment of your imagination

   "Now in all good toy shops, batteries not included"