friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   My friend said that he and his wife wanted to swing by this weekend. I said we'd love that. I hope he didn't mean they wanted to swing bi.

   I had no idea it was black Friday in Baltimore.

   That channel is all Hawt blonds and old dudes. Every show from Fox news looks like a party scene from Weekend at Bernies

   The 26.2 sticker in the rear window of my car is to signify how many beers I drink in a typical weekend.

   This weekend raise a glass to your mom since you're why she drinks in the first place.

   My weekend mood fluctuates between “better get the lawn mowed before it rains” and “Hurry up and rain so I can’t mow the lawn.”

   Anyone going somewhere exciting this weekend to stare at your phone?

   I'd love to hear about your weekend plans just give me a second to put on my airplane neck pillow.

   Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!

   A classic model Bentley owned by Keith Richards sold over the weekend for $1.2 million and features a secret compartment for storing drugs. The compartment is called Keith Richards.

   Remember this weekend to help your girl relax by telling her she "needs to relax."

   I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.

   Starting my weekend off right with a simmering rage. It's a beautiful day for violence!

      In honor of it being Friday the 13th, whenever I hear a strange noise, I'm going to investigate it braless, and wearing cute panties.

   Black Friday challenge: Buy American and buy small business. Otherwise you're complaining for nothing about big business.

   2 days ago: ''We must help solve poverty here first and foremost!'' Today: ''All right! Black Friday is coming!''. Morons

   Why the hell don’t liquor stores have Black Friday sales?

   Why are we supposed to give special treatment to Black Friday, i'm just gonna come out and say it #ALLFRIDAYSMATTER

   Poverty is not being able to participate in Black Friday because you don't get paid until Monday.

   ...... Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.