Funny Status Messages

   This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.

   Gun control is like trying to reduce drunk driving by making it tougher for sober people to own cars.

   Why deny yourself a pleasure now for the hope of adding a few miserable nursing home days at the end?

   Every sentence is a sexual innuendo if you think long and hard about it.

   A watched pot never boils, but an un-watched pot boils over, so I don't know what you want from me life!

   You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. You can, however, make a pretty decent ham wallet.

   And with the official start of baseball season today, the Chicago Cubs have already been eliminated from the playoffs.

   Most haters are stuck in a poisonous mental prison of jelousy and self doubt that blinds them to their own potential.

   So any1 else think our's is the only nation involved every year in a war since inception? Wow! Coincidence? Or blood thirst.?

   War with North Korea looming. Cast of M*A*S*H have their fingers crossed

   Internet searches get you many results, most are different and leaves one more confused than before the search. As a source for answers, the much lauded "Super Information Highway" has become the "Road To Nowhere".

   Unless you want to have ugly kids, never marry a girl for her inner beauty.

   I'm sorry, but I can't understand a word that is coming out of your mouth, I don't speak Bone Thugz N Harmony.

   You may look physically better than I do, but GRACE is d Reason Why I ALWAYS Get what you wish you had!

   i still don't understand how coffee dehydrates you when it's madewith

   It ain't rocket science folks, women LOVE douchebags.

   If you love her then you should hold her hand in public because women need to be lead around by a man or they will have no clue what to do.

   A great white shark is just a normal shark with khakis and a high credit score.

   Just ate my toothbrush to clean those hard-to-reach places.

   If I told you that you had a beautiful body would you hold it against some other guy while I'm out at work just trying to provide for us?