Funny Status Messages

   March 24. Springtime. Cold, windy, and snow... But this groundhog stew is DELICIOUS!

   Florida Folks: "♫ ♫ We have joy, we have fun, we have seasons in the sun. ♫ ♫" Up North Folks: "F**k you, Florida."

   Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye AFTER you hit send.

   I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig... It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep.

   A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

   I like how ninja turtles wear masks. Good way to hide your identity. It's not like you're a giant turtle or anything.

   The man who created knock knock jokes deserves a no-bell prize.

   Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)

   please let me blow it before you stick it in. (classic nintendo cartridge)

   Me- I kinda like this girl Girl- Really? Who ???? Me- Ummmmm She kinda looks like you Girl- aww is it me? ;) ♥ Me- No!! Your sister lol

   Jesus changed your life? My remote's broken.You think you can get him to change the channel?

   Facebook asks me "Whats on my mind" so I post whats on my mind. If you don't like it, you know where the unfriend and block option is

   Got the shivers while peeing.....thank goodness for decorative towels.

   I am only going to say this once. I want the video involving me, the Cadbury Bunny and the marshmallow Peeps returned to me by tomorrow. No questions asked.

   My Life Alert bracelet says.....: I'm Just Napping

   I'm tired of Duck Dynasty and their fowl language!

   Funny how countries trash talk the United States but always beg for our help when they are getting their ass whooped.

   just about to cook up some Ramen soup and realized I'm out of crackers. I'm cracka lackin!!!

   My favorite part of an oil change is when they show you the air filter,,, and then look at you like you're a disgusting pig.

   FYI: A great white shark, is just a normal shark with khakis and a high credit score.