Funny Status Messages

   LITTLE KNOWN FACT: If you stamp on Trump's foot,, his hair pops straight up like a trash can lid.

   It is spelled, "you're" an idiot....idiot.

   I'm not a psychologist,,, but I remember when a Hot Wheels track magically cured 80% of ADHD

   Those who like me, raise your hand. Those who don’t, raise your standards.

   I’m not saying she’s a slut, but she’s been banged more times than a snooze button on Monday morning.

   I don't run away from my problems. That's immature. I ignore them.

   Blood really is thicker than water...this bathtub has been draining for over an hour now...

   Some days I don't know why I even put my cape on.

   Why do I have to add my birthday to your calendar? It's on my page.

   Everyone be quiet for a minute. A stupid person's trying to think of something clever to say.

   At least I care enough to go through the motions

   I read the obituaries for motivation.

   I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.

   Sometimes a guy will say he’s “fine” when in fact he’s actually fine.

   it's unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.

   Ladies: A man's superpower is to tell you everything you want to hear.

   There's nothing worse than not getting the right amount of love from strangers on the internet.

   We're all our own worst critics, except for you, I'm your worst critic.

   I'd trade 75% of my friends for a box of Oreos.

   I love the taste of water, especially frozen into cubes and completely surrounded by vodka.