santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   When first talking to your kids about Santa, don't say he's God's drunk brother in law. Trust me...

   I may not always celebrate holidays, but when I do, I prefer Christmas. Stay cheerful, my friend!!

   if you negate those who celebrate for the presents, or for the excuse to drink, or for the day off work, or for the reason to party, or for a morning in bed, the amount of people who truly celebrate Xmas is lower than the nos of actors in a 1 man show!

   I found a sealed turkey sandwich, ranch dressing and gatorade in my car. Santa must of mixed my car up with my stocking.

   I hope everybody enjoys the new air guitar I sent them for Christmas.

   "stepping on a frog"just isnt that funny at Christmas dinner at the in-laws.

   the only reason I enjoy Christmas is because it is the one time of the year that my habit of sitting in front of a dead tree, eating chocolates out of my socks, whilst waiting for a strange fat man to enter my house, is considered a normal event!

   For Christmas I gave myself an obscene amount of vodka. I'm so thoughtful.

   Merry Christmas! Or as my grandma always says, "there are whispers coming from the poinsettia again."

   Christmas - when loved ones visit to celebrate someone born in a barn but complain that your sofabed's uncomfortable.

   I just want a Christmas like we used to have with all of us together pretending we're enjoying it.

   I wonder what would happen if I burn the tip of this branch on my Christmas tree? WHOOOOFFF

   I got a Shake Weight for Christmas. I'm going to try strapping it to my pen!s.

   I think I've had enough of the Christmas Spirit. The room is starting to spin...

   I don't t take my Christmas Tree down...I smoke it.

   Call me old-fashioned but I think the best part about Christmas is having your fist inside a 28-pound flightless bird.

   The Day After Christmas Diet: Breakfast: Leftover lasagne Lunch: Leftover lasagne Dinner: Leftover lasagne Dessert: Leftover lasagne Beverage: Pureed leftover lasagne

   Kids complaining they didn't get an iPhone for Christmas or got one in the wrong color is exactly why other countries hate us.

   Christmas is a good time to realize that not all your family are relatives, and not all your relatives are family.

   So its the day after christmas. boxing day for some; discount shopping to others; toilet blow out day for all who stuff the sh*t out of there bellys at that family member house! Good luck and hang in there.