Funny Status Messages

   Hey Liver, it's Friday... Time to clock-in!

   and the winner of the best Harlem Shake.......Lil Wayne!

   My neighbor complained I was playing Bruce Hornsby too loud. I told him, That's just the way it is.

   Enjoying a Harlem shamrock shake

   Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.

   Did you hear the bad news about about Lil Wayne? He's ok.

   I am confident but not 'propose to my girlfriend of 2 months live on TV' confident.

   I think, therefore i'm single.

   My wife loves role playing in bed. Her favorite is playing dead.

   A recent study has shown that its much more difficult to lie to someone you truly love than lying to someone you don't love.

   Interrupt me to say I pronounced your name wrong, and I will make a point to say it wrong every time thereafter.

   I'm gonna surprise the gf, and wake her with oral sex...hope she doesn't choke.

   Hey you guys! Rock bottom has a buffet and an open bar!

   If I were a sheriff in the old west, I'd make some "WANTED" posters that said "NOT INTERESTED" so insecure outlaws would just come to me.

   The most fascinating thing I remember from my childhood is the amount of people Coolio fit into his trunk that day he went on a Fantastic Voyage.

   I hate when people text me "what are you doing?" at 1:00 pm on a weekday. Well I don't have your Art History degree, so probably "working".

   There should be a "I've seen enough" button.

   it's spring break around here and judging by the FB posts, all teachers hate their jobs..

   I just called up the phone company and put em on hold. Every 5min I come on an tell them how important their business is to me. Please hold.

   I'm not lazy. I just absolutely, passionately, wholeheartedly enjoy doing nothing.