Funny Status Messages

   I hope everyone stocked up on water and flashlights! This y2k thing sounds terrifying!.. I just read all about it in my doctors office.

   when the doctor tells me to start eating light does he mean I should start drinking a miller lite with every meal?

   I just realized that since my birthday is in January - that means I was probably conceived on April Fools Day....that explains a lot, actually

   If it tastes like chicken, keep on licking. If it tastes like trout, get the hell out.

   So many 2 x 4's ... So few studs...

   People always say moth balls have a very distinguishable smell... but I can never get their little legs apart

   I wish there were visiting hours in heaven.

   No, Microsoft, I'm not sending an error report because snitches get glitches

   Whether you order a six-inch or a foot- long, both you and your sandwich artist are thinking about diks for at least a second.

   Guy with the mothball smell p ost, you sir are one sick puppy.

   Roses are red, violets are blue... How much do your facebook friends know about you?

   TODAY'S GOSPEL: The best way to get along with people is to not expect them to be like you.

   Yes Justin Bieber has millions of followers on Twitter. BUT just how many of those millions are not idiots?

   Today's date officially marks the twelfth day of Christmas....So, except for the Nine Ladies Dancing, Eight Maids-a-Milking and the Five Golden Rings...it's all going back to Wal Mart. Especially that squawking, annoying, Partridge in a Pear Tree.

   I'm in the dog house.... so I guess doggie style it is....

   My husband is so nice to our new cleaning lady. The house gets so hot during the day so he lets her wear a small skirt and a bra.

   Wow! Bethenny Frankel just announced she's getting a divorce! Wait, who the eff is she again???

   some people take so much s hit from me and are still in love with me. it's great!

   Eating an apple a day for an entire year can make you turn into an iPhone.

   Boy, if it keeps snowing, someone's gonna haveta shovel the darn driveway. I think I'll text her ツ