Lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.

   Just brought some things the the shop..went to pay for it and the lady at to the counter said "1.69 please". I said "Sorry.Can't I pay with money instead?"

   ..i think Facebook needs a "Yes I Like Your Status And Have Commented On It ... But I Don't Want To Know When Everyone Else F*cking Does!" button

   DNS FAILURE: Facebook is down which means 9 months from today, many children will be born.

   When nudists put on a play, do they argue about who has the biggest part?

   Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

   While getting dressed this morning, I decided I have been spending waaaaay too much time on the computer, when I caught myself checking the lower right corner of my make-up mirror to see what time it was.

   People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.

   Random thought: Ed Hardy shirts are the new sweatpants; wearing them in public means you've given up on life.

   If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say,"Help, they've turned me into a parrot", you are wasting everybody's time.

   You don't have to be good at anagrams to see that Pope Benedict is an Epic Bent Pedo.

   I was shopping online and saw a horse that I rather liked. So I clicked "Add to cart."

   Studies show it's okay for me to simply say "studies show" in front of anything and it becomes accepted as fact.

   Can I borrow that quarter? Because my mom told me to call home when I fell in love.

   I left my cross-eyed girlfriend today. The b*tch was seeing someone else.

   I'm thinking of re-releasing my old statuses in 3D.

   Charlie Sheen is really coming to the defense of Lindsay Lohan. In fact, he's set up a website asking the media to leave her alone. The site is doing great, it's received almost as many hits as his wife.

   Computer Geek's Pickup Line: Is your name Google? No. Why? Because you have everything I've been searching for!

   George Washington is the only president who didn't blame the previous administration for his troubles

   My girlfriend asked me, "Do You believe in love at first sight"? I said, "At the first sight of what"?