Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   more excited than a baby in a titty bar....!

   "Don't Regret Anything U've Done Bcuz' At One Point In Ur Life It Was Exactly what you Wanted 2 Do."

   The Biggest Lie Ever: "i Have Read & Agree 2 Di Terms Of Use."

   the military is the best at creating oxymorons...i.e. "friendly fire" or "military intelligence".

   "Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow'"

   If you keep God inside your heart, there's nothing that will come into your life that you won't be able to handle. God is enough!

   If you hear your past calling, change your phone number...;-):-P

   Some things are really better left unsaid!

   Who says women don't like simple, cheap things..we like guys don't we?

   If you see a man opening a car door for a woman, it means one of two things: it's either a new woman - or a new car. ....

   volunteering at the nursing home today, she's hiding false teeth instead of Easter eggs for the Easter hunt.

   looking for a cute little bunny with a nice set of eggs

   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

   Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

   Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

   Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

   I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

   The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

   Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

   "There is always the one girl out there that got away. Guys have that ... and serial killers have that."