santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   The weather man (drug dealer) says I can have a white Christmas (cocaine) with plenty of trees (weed) and now I'm happy (broke)

   Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, F*ck Kwanzaa.

   For christmas I bought my girlfriend a treadmill and a Victoria's Secret catalogue.

   I got my drug dealer $200 for Christmas and he got me a big bag of weed.

   Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

   all I want for christmas is you... just kidding, get me diamonds.

   My sons love dressing up as Wardens and playing prison, their Grandma was shocked when she found out I had built them a miniature electric chair for Christmas....

   Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

   The worst part about getting a monogrammed sweater for Christmas is having to find someone with your initials to regift the thing to

   ♫♪♫....I'm beginning to think I'm blocked for Christmas...♫♪♫

   it okay to fake my own death just so I don't have to spend Christmas with my family?

   I bet the old guys that apply for the mall Santa job positions are undercover pedophiles.

   Ladies, you're running out of time to hump your way to some excellent Christmas presents from that guy you're sort of seeing right now.

   Dear Santa, Please bring world peace, a cure to cancer, fix the financial crisis............ and please find, and land your sleigh on Casey Anthony's head. That's all...

   Special merry xmas to all the essential personnel that have to work this holiday season i.e. doctors nurses cops..fire men 7-11 employees ..!!

   Special merry xmas to all the essential personnel that have to work this holiday season i.e. doctors nurses cops..fire men 7-11 employees ..!!

   Finished Christmas shopping and gift wrapping over four months ago. The puppy doesn't make as much noise as it used to.

   I went to the garage today to unpack Christmas decorations. I found a present from last year that I had forgotten to give the kids. I was so disappointed! They would really have loved that kitten.

   I just cleaned out the fireplace so that "Santa won't get dirty". I did it for my son because I love him, even though he's delusional.

   What's the best age to abandon your children around the holidays so they can grow up to write decent blues music?