Funny Status Messages
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What's the largest "Jousting Lance" I can attach to the hood of my car,,,, legally? 
Two words: Bubble wrap. Two more words: Can't stop.
I am the Electrical Engineer. Bring it on....
Happy 237th birthday Marines!
I'm not positive...but I think that the "Rinse and Repeat" slogan is just a ploy from the big companies to get me to buy more than 365 bottles of shampoo next year............... I really don't think I'm that gullible......
I'm not clumsy. It's just that the floor hates me, the tables & chairs are bullies & the wall gets in the way.
There is an idiot trying to soil B EGO's good name.
HEADLINE - Bieber & Gomez split up! This was my rock, my reason for living - what is left, my world is crumbling around me - how will I continue living ? Wait.. where am I ? I thought this was an article about Captain Crunch being discontinued.
Bieber & Gomez split up? Does this mean he is finally coming out of the closet?
Day 10 - I am thankful for toilet paper... no explaination needed.
I've single handedly defeated my erection...
whether its for you or her. Women want more Mouth in the South.
difference between jam and jelly..I cant jelly my D..k into her mouth
It is good to be regular people, at least no one will know when you have affair.
I hate when I'm driving and I get lost. I'm at the intersection of Martin Luther King Blvd. and Reverend Al Sharpton Way. No biggie, I'll just get out and ask for directions.
I will immediately switch over to the iphone the moment they replace Siri's voice with the voice of Kate Beckinsale.
My friend wanted to use my apartment to clone himself,,, I said “Please, make yourself at home”
I'm very, very, very descriptive
It has been a bad week for Elephants !!
Million dollar idea; Toilet paper with the Quran printed on it! 