Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Going nite nite... if you see me in your dreams don't forget to say hello.

   believes you can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think.

   My wife and I have sex DOGGY STYLE..... I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead!

   secretly wishes Michael had gone ahead and body-slammed Ryan Seacrest last night.

   Sorry, I've just been taken by surprise, am not sure when he'll bring me back.

   National Atheist's Day April 1st

   likes to think that when she squishes a spider, its final thought is, "Good. Being a spider is miserable."

   had better get to work. these scissors aren't going to run with themselves...

   has lowered his expectations to the point where they've already been met.

   Oh April Fool's day, where everyone teeter-totters between brilliance and insanity. Welcome to my World!!

   a boy walked in on his mom and dad having sex. His dad said "we're making you a brother/sister" the boy replies "do her doggie style, I'd rather have a puppie"

   Your chick so easy a caveman can do it! ~t.white~

   "As I said before,I never repeat myself"

   to quit looking at my status

   Butterflies in the belly and weak knees...The 2 best feeling in the world!

   When you think all the way back to being sperm, we are all winners.

   Spell SWIMS upside down... this is going to blow your mind!

   God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily.

   Do not follow, for I may not lead. Do not lead, for I may not follow. Just go over there somewhere, please?

   Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.