Funny Status Messages

   If being interrogated counts as talking to people then yes, I've been talking to people.

   The only reason I run with scissors is because the person I'm trying to stab is usually running too.

   50 Shades of Grey... the most sold erotic novel written by an ugly woman

   Well, I watched the free fall but I couldn't even see him falling because his gigantic balls were in the way.

   ...... Congrats to Mr Baumgartner for breaking the sound barrier!!!! He's very lucky that the records were the only things that were broken!!!!

   What doesnt kill you......seriously disappoints me!

   Give a man a gun he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the whole world

   Abraham Lincoln was a badass vampire hunter too?? Why did I never learn about that in school?

   Sometimes reasoning with people is like a cat trying to bury a turd under a concrete tile floor!

   A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

   Happy 35th, Atari 2600

   If you are fighting and someone yells worldstar you better fight for your life

   It's October and soon you'll see those orange round things with scary carved faces everywhere. That's right, the cast of Jersey Shore is on tour.

   Excuse me, is this s tatus taken?

   Some bruises are worth it.

   Felix proved one thing today: No matter how high you go... you will end up on earth!!

   Auditioning for Animal Planet's new series, "I Shouldn't Be Awake."

   Wanna see new features on your TV that you never knew existed? Let a baby play with the remote for about 12 seconds.

   I got fired from work on pajama day... It's not my fault I sleep naked.

   I think there should be an internation law mandating that Kate Beckinsale wear black latex body suits 365 days a year.