Aaron Funny Status Messages

   I love the stick figure family's on your car windows they let me know how many garbage bags to bring to the murder.

   Opposites attract, that's the trouble with being awesome

   My transformation into a baby seal is almost complete.

   Picasso emoticon: ' < __ ,

   Life is a fill-in-the-blank choose your own adventure scratch & sniff coloring book with missing pages and pop-ups.

   80% of people reading this will not find the the mistake in this A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z.

   I have no problem with you speaking your mind,,, as long as you can do it with your mouth closed.

   If I jumped out a plane and my parcute didn't work I would be so angry.

   People who spread their germs make me sick.

   My car broke down today. It confessed to a series of hit-and-run murders back in 2006.

   In a public restroom I found a sign that read "THINK" on the mirror above the sink so I labelled the soap dispenser "THOAP" to match with it

   Dyslexia killed my dog. Vegetarians don't know the first thing about animal surgery.

   I do not acknowledge the authority of this food court.

   you can't let me into the club? Maybe my friend Benjamin Franklin can persuade you… *comes back 45 mins later in a bad wig, holding a kite*

   haha this is so sweet.. apparently you can use your imagination to travel to diff. times/places. grounded my ass.

   I wonder how many 5 Hour Energy's it would take to levitate?

   When I give a new girl the tour of my place I like to open the basement door while whispering "thaaats where the maaaagic happens..."

   I asked a cow if it had a beef with me. We both laughed and laughed and then I ate it.

   I need ten well behaved cats and ten cat sized business suits.

   Harry Potter and the Soul Crushing Responsibility of Adulthood.