Funny Status Messages
Search Messages:
I wish STD's on all people who still say YOLO. 
Its cute when a slut demands respect. B!tch the only thing your are getting is an STD.
they did an MRI of my brain.....they found nothing.
(o_o) dat wierd feeling you get when you take a sit and it is still warm coz some jus got up from it... *very discomforing*
Republican convention next week.... Hurricane Isaac is predicted to hit Florida next week.... Even Mother Nature doesn't like Republicans.
Somewhere, someone is thinking about you and the impact you made in their life.... It's not me, I think you're a prick.
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep.... And Helium just brings it back to normal?
Your problem is not my problem even if your problem is me.
I seriously need to get out of the house. Unless some generous woman with alcohol is coming over for sex. In that case I seriously need to stay home.
We only stalk the ones we love.
The older I get the more freaky and weird the sex has to be for me to get off. Someday you're gonna have to smack my clit with a shovel.
Hey, I have an idea. Instead of complaining about your auto-correct every day, how about going into your settings & turning it off?
I can tell by the way you give me instructions that you've dealt with a lot of dumb people before me.
Where I am from, if I was "16 And Pregnant" I'd get an ass beating not a TV show.
It's not a walk of shame if you moonwalk through it.
i have too many feelings for someone not in a relationship.
Next time you're sad remember there are many things you should be thankful about. For example, that you're not Khloe Kardashian's mirror.
I just saw Taylor Swift so I said "Hey Taylor, guys are a$$holes & relationships suck!". Long story short, I'm featuring in her next album.
I mean this is the nicest possible way...~ someone who is about to make you swallow every anti-depressant in your house.
I have absolutely no problem telling my boss to go screw himself when he isn't here. 