santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   If you were walking through the Mall today and saw me sitting in Santa's lap , it isn't what you think .

   No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a sword.

   Christmas was best when I used to believe in Santa Claus... I wanna be 19 again.

   Dear Santa, I was framed!

   Santa is an unfair a$shole, He gives the more expensive gifts to the wealthier kids!

   Dear Santa, I don't want anything for Christmas except for the person reading this to have an amazing Christmas.

   I am such a thoughtful Lad! I bought my ex a chair for Christmas. But the power company won't let me hook it up.

   I love the holidays. A time when people are supposed to be more nice and caring, actually become bigger a$$holes than they are the rest of the year.

   Merry Christmas to the Bathroom models around the world.

   Dreaming of a White Christmas? You r@cist b@stards.

   Just heard there is an Occupy North Pole protest going on. Apparently Santa did not share his wealth with the naughty group.

   My office Christmas party is tonight, which means my office apology party will be tomorrow.

   wishes Santa would stop allowing bullying at the North Pole. Stop allowing the laughing at others and name calling.

   I am well-armed for the war on Christmas: Ground-to-air mistletoe, check. Pecan clusterbombs, check. Canister of peppermint spray, check.

   On the 5th day of Christmas? Christmas is ONE day. Convert to Judaism if you need a longer holiday.

   I Remember one christmas when I woke up to see my mom helping santa with his zipper.. jolly old santa.

   Won a $50 gift card to Chili's at Christmas raffle. In other news, decided my secret santa is getting a $14.37 gift card to Chili's for Christmas.

   The Anti-Christ came to my Christmas party and turned all the wine into water. Hate that guy.

   The EPA has placed sanctions on Santa for using such fossil fuels as coal and switches... The EPA has instead, mandated Santa use wind and solar.....In accordance to EPA regulation bad kids will now receive a hydrogen filled balloon and a match.

   Keeping the list of naughty girls all to yourself? Well played Santa.