aaron Funny Status Messages

   I have a full-size map of the world. At the bottom it says "1 inch = 1 inch". I hardly ever unroll it.

   A friend of mine sent me a postcard with a satellite photo of the entire planet on it, and on the back he wrote, "Wish you were here."

   Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?

   Write all complaints legibly in this space -> []

   "We are upping our standards... so up yours!"

   In case of emergency, break glass, scream, bleed to death.

   I think, therefore I am overqualified.

   save your breath.... You'll need it to blow up your date!

   I couldn't reach my oil filter... so I took out the entire engine.

   I think I'll skip English tomorrow. There are just certain aspects of Moby I don't want to know about.

   I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

   You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, "The car behind me is paying for two."

   A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

   has the brains of a horse and is hung like Einstein.

   I can't stand people who look down on people who look down on people.

   If he were alive today, he'd turn over in his grave.

   Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

   I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.

   There is a great need for sarcasm font

   Would you rather be a ginormous hampster or a tiny rhinocerous?