friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   For sale by owner complete set of encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

   Hey Friday, um....you're cool and all but...I'm really into your friend Saturday. We have way more fun together. Sorry :(

   Friday is like a bra... You did your job all week, now it's time to take it off!... anyone need a hand??

   I feel like it is going to be a great weekend to get some work done around the house, so I plan on getting up early, turning on SportsCenter and hope this feeling passes.

   This is odd... I just got a letter in the mail saying I'm being sued by Lindsay Lohan for throwing up last weekend?

   Why do we always have to lose an hour on the weekend to make it shorter? Why cant Spring forward happen on a Friday afternoon so we can leave work earlier for happy hour?

   just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you.

   Flavor Flav turns 51 today. He'll spend a quiet day at home, still resting up after a weekend of moving all his clocks forward.

   will be weed smoking and turkey pulling this weekend... oops! reverse those verbs!

   Thanks to all my FB Friends, for once again, reminding me it's Friday. This is also FB Spring Cleaning Weekend. Time to remove all the apps, polls, fan pages, pictures and friends you just don't need or want anymore.

   I need some transition time from the weekend... can we drink during lunch breaks this week to get back to normal?

   dont forget to turn your clocks back this weekend, i'm turning mine back to 1970 when we had no illegal immigrants

   Friday, I've tried to see other days and none compare to you, I love you.

   You know those couples where the wife is 40 something and looks like 20 something, and the husband makes over 100k and the teenagers are respectful and good looking and they go out to eat together on Friday nights as a family? I HATE those people!

   I want to thank e-Harmony for the free match weekend...they are amazing...found my perfect match, sent the profile, and pic...we are getting together later today...I am so impressed and very curious how they got a picture of my left hand....

   April is Alcohol Awareness Month and being Friday and all.... tonight I will make special plans to investigate alcohol all night long... Now that I have made you aware...I have done my part !

   According to Apple, 300,000 people did not have sex this weekend.

   A friday with out Booze is like a Church without a priest...

   Weekend - you teased me! I was so enjoying you and then you went away. Come back. I miss you. (*sob, sob*)

   says Happy Friday @ 5:00 pm! If an ice cold, tall, 22 ounce Miller Lite is wrong, I dont wanna be right...