father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   The Democrats finally came forward and ruined Chelsey Clinton's life with the news that Janet Reno is actually her father.

   Why do we sleep in church, but stay awake through a 2 hour movie?? Why is it so hard to talk to God, but so easy to gossip??Jesus said "If you deny me in front of your friends, I will deny YOU in front of my Father.

   Little girl asked her father,do all fairy tales begin with Once upon a time?The father replied,No, some begin with - If elected I promise..

   In the rest of World When The boy meets the father its a Nice warm Welcome. In the south, The dad comes out with a gun and says boy you better treat my daughter right.(:

   In the past seven days, 1 friend of mine gave birth, 1 buried his father, 1 buried her brother, 1 died, 1 got divorced, 2 got married, 1 quit his job, 1 got fired and 6 celebrated birthdays. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm f*cking exhausted.

   Any boy can be a dad but only a real man can be a father

   No clean cereal bowls? Line a strainer with plastic wrap. Laziness is the father of invention.

   I don't care what happens when FATHER catches DAUGHTER on her WEBCAM! Stop posting that darn link to my wall!!

   Maury: "Darth Vader, you.... ARE the father." Luke: "Nooooo!"

   I don't fear dating a younger woman, it's her father and his shotgun I have problems with.

   not sure what's worse.... finding out Darth Vader is your father or remembering that the day before you were trying to f*ck your sister??

   thinks that the mother and father bear from Goldilocks and the 3 bears had some relationship issues as evident from the fact that they had separate beds!

   Condom Ad: if you are not 100% satisfied with our product, Happy Father's Day!!

   Going to dress up as Maury Povich and visit the hospital delivery room telling the guy he is not the father.

   you're only real job as a father is to keep your daughter off the pole

   My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.

   (With French accent) Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

   What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? “If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!”

   I don't understand some people. It's Black Friday. I just passed a black family at Costco. I shook the father's hand and wished them all a Happy Holiday. The father asked me what's wrong with me.

   Dad, you are like a father to me.