Funny Status Messages

   Mike Tyson trained Justin Bieber.......No Punchline needed there

   Would any respectable man tell ANYONE that he was roughed up by Justin Bieber?

   HEADLINE: Justin Bieber wanted for questioning after he allegedly assaulted a paparrazi. Maybe they just want to talk to Beiber as a witness. It was probably Selena Gomez that hit the guy!

   Facebook stock continues to lose value, in fact it's so bad, hundreds of farmville farms are going into foreclosure.

   Be careful who you decide to take for granted, because once they find better, they are NOT coming back to your regretful ass.

   Things a pedophiles might say: On a scale of 1-10.... how old are you?

   I got off with this Thai lady last night........ She had an 8 inch clit0ris...

   I was chatting up a chick online earlier. She said, "I'm curvy, voluptuous and cuddly". I said, "and I'm not that stupid, fatty".

   Binoculars have to be the worst gift you can buy for a cyclops.

   "Mirror, mirror on the the wall, who's the most expressionless one of them all?" --how I imagine this Kristen Stewart Snow White movie going

   Most of my longest relationships have been with deep dish pizzas.

   Oral sex is a beautiful way to say good night.

   You're telling me things I want to hear, but you're not showing me the things I want to see. - said the golddigger

   I wonder if kids in China ever look at their happy meal toys and think, "Hey, I made this."

   Hey old guys wearing your hats backwards, you're making it worse.

   I've never met a person that liked me I didn't like.

   My blonde GF kept yelling out 43 days! 43 days! I finally asked her why she kept saying that. She said she finished a puzzle that said 4-5 Years on the box.

   Arguing with a woman is like bringing a knife to a gun fight, then repeatedly stabbing yourself with it.

   Before sliced bread, the best invention was food that didn't run away when you tried to eat it.

   At some point you just stop wiping your kid's ass for him and hope for the best.