Funny Status Messages

   Fact: Every 60 seconds, a minute passes.

   I can't seem to find Funkytown on Google Maps.

   Make the little things count. Teach midgets maths

   My teacher always said to me; " nothing is impossible!" He he I showed them, I've been doing it for years

   I'm starting to think I really need a vacation, this morning I caught myself pretending the shower head was a waterfall!!

   I want to start my own icecream brand and call it "Lick Me Till". Lick me till ice cream...

   Why is Facebook going public? They couldn't figure out the privacy settings either?

   Facebook share value went from $38 to $43 already.  Now Facebook has sufficient funds to install aircraft landing lights on Rihanna's forehead.

   WIFE: Honey, before we got married, you used to buy me expensive gifts and take me out for dinner and now you don't. Why is that? HUSBAND: B!tch please! Have you ever seen a fisherman giving worms to a fish he has already caught?

   Hun! You are just like a doll ; Pretty, but Life-less, dumb as a rock and everyone plays with you.

   Dear Doctor Phil: I am 16 years old and I am not pregnant yet, does that mean my brother is g@y?

   :Shout out to single moms (because I know they put out).

   Sex is good… the monks made a mistake; the ancient document says, “Celebrate,” not “Celibate!”

   It's dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.

   I'm not nodding to say yes about your idea....The voices in my head are agreeing with me that you're an idiot..

   Someone who has a hard time keeping up with technology has added you on Google+

   Have you ever just stopped and thought... "I was once inside my father's balls" ( ._. )

   I have a Victoria's Secret model's body!! (in my basement)

   Do white women really not know that their hair is in their mouth?

   I was once in a band called The Stepchildren. A lot of people pretended to like us.