Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"

   I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.

   Just heard a little boy call his mom "mother," as if both had already accepted the fact that he'd become a serial killer some day.

   "You're as crazy as your mother" is the last thing I remember saying before waking up in intensive care

   [Mother-in-law visiting] -May I use your restroom? -Down the hall first door on the right -That's the front door -You may use the yard

   Judge, I'm sorry I attacked that woman but I was wearing cheetah print & she had on a zebra shirt & Mother Nature just took over from there.

   I had to explain to my brother that a milf is supposed to be someone else's mother..

   pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law

   My contribution to mother earth is not to waste water cleaning glasses when I can drink straight from the bottle

   I have never been paid for sex, but holy mother of god, there were a few instances when I should have been.

   Remember when someone had posted "who cares if we don't get to see polars Bears, cuz we didn't get to see dinosaurs?" I guess mother natures cares with this winter blast!

   Charles Manson is getting married to a 26-year-old and I’m still single. I’ll never hear the end of it from my mother at thanks giving.

   " Fcuk the Police" ............ Please encourage this!! With the shift work we do protecting your sorry ass it's sometimes hard to meet women. So please encourage your sister and mother to continue your cause!!

   One of the most difficult jobs in the world is being a mother. If done wrong, you could ruin someone's future......NO PRESSURE!!!

   WTF is with all the American Girl dolls on ebays deal of the day.... This isn't christmas mother fcukers

   Look, nobody can tell the sex of your baby, so please either pierce it's ears or draw a mustache on that ambiguous little mother f*cker

   My cell phone battery dies faster than a mother in a Disney movie.

   Screw it..... I'm just gonna say that these are " Mother's Day" lights now..... *lazy Christmas light owners...

   When my son was a teen and bragged how he came out of his mother, I reminded him that he came out of me first.

   as many times as I've been called "that mother f*cker" in my life, I better be getting a Mother's Day card and gift too.