Funny Status Messages
Search Messages:
Do drugs!!" - Reverse psychology drug prevention program 
Imodium AD: When you need to get your sh!t together.
Just saw a pic of some light skinned black girls in thongs titled "Red Tails".
Whenever my girlfriend gives me stuff to do I just add it to my bucket list.
Sex is like school .. you miss a period & you're in trouble.
Nothing says success like waking up at 6:00 pm.
I hate it when foreign numbers call my cell asking: "Hi, who is this??" ...You're the one that frickin called, why don't you tell me?
Deny,Deny,Deny..If they aint got pictures,they aint got sh*t!
I don't want to offend anyone, but this FB app everyone seems to be doing, you know the one with the #1 song played the day you were born, well I really think some of these should be shown on an 8 track or LP instead of a cassette...
Happiness comes from the changes we make for ourselves, not the changes that people want from us.
Sending my regards to Seal. Hopefully, this won't scar him for life.
"You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that" Sincerely your Ex
If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck it's a drunk white woman having her picture taken in the club.
I hope I never get renal failure. I've really come to enjoy having a functioning renus.
Why do we spend so much time looking for intelligent life on other planets? I'd be happy to find intelligent life here in Government first.
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
if I were sitting in a jail cell right now, why would you think I was there? ;)
when I know I have terrible gas, I sometimes wear a gas mask in the shower because 'shower farts' are by far the deadliest
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
I love "me" so much, my Dr gave me a nice jacket that helps me hug myself! 