love Funny Status Messages

   I work as a waiter and love it when people ask "How do you prepare the chicken?"I always reply "We tell it straight, you gonna die

   I Would Never Be With Someone Just Because They Were Financially Stable. I Would Rather Live In A Trash Can With The Love Of My Life, Than To Live In A Mansion With Someone That Activates My Gag Reflexes.

   I love reading ppls status "off to the gym" when you know damn well they are only going to use the massage chair

   I hate liars, but I love a good bedtime story.

   Wife says to husband: "u make love like you decorate." Husband: "How, very slow and like a professional?" Wife:" Nope, I always have to finish the job myself."

   loves how Christmas movies capture the holidays in a way everyone typically experiences. In two hours: greedy men become charitable; enemies settle their differences; women fall in love with the unattractive nerd; and an angel get its wings.

   "Sexy" means I want you. "Pretty" means I like you. "Beautiful" means I love you. "Gorgeous" means all of the above

   I love when people cut me off because they're in a rush, then I pull up next to them at the same red light.

   Forgiveness does not always lead to a healed relationship. Some people are not capable of love, and it might be wise to let them go along with your anger. Wish them well, and let them go their way.

   What's love got to do with it.....all I said is I wanted to have sex ;)

   Dear kids, there is no Santa. Those presents are from your parents love, Wikileaks

   My girlfriend complains that I don't tell her how much I love her. I don't want to upset her.

   May you have the gladness of Christmas which is hope; The spirit of Christmas which is peace; The heart of Christmas which is love.

   I just love gambling here in Vegas. Sure, I may lose $100,000 but the drinks are free so it evens out

   Im sure that 24 year old playmate model is not at all interested in Hugh Hefner's money. In fact if he were just a typicaly average senior citizen quite certain she would be equally in love with him. Did I mention I speak fluent sarcasm?

   Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. That's why most of the women put on make up and most of the men lie.

   We've got to give a little love, have a little hope, make this world a little better.!

   Dear Women, if you have in you're possession sweats with the word 'JUICY' on them, PLEASE for the love of God, do not wear them if, when you do, the "I" is stretched so far that it appears to be a hyphen..Nothin' ( J you )--( C why ) about it...

   May peace break into your home and thieves come to steal your debts,May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for 100$$ bills!May love stick to your face like vasilene and may laughter assault your lips!May happyness slap you across your the face and

   An hour and 11 minutes after midnight tonite is 1-1-11 @1:11AM. A memorable time to text and express love to your 1 & only :D