life Funny Status Messages

   My mom used to say I'm wasting my life playing video games. Then I thought "no sweat, I've got 2 more lives."

   Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.

   your inference that I am without religion is incorrect and I am actually torn between two faiths; while your gods promise of eternal life is very persuasive, the Papua New Guinean mud god, Pikiwoki, is promising a pig and as many coconuts as you can carry

   I dare you to wink as much in real life as you do on online.

   Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

   Just face it.... 9 out of 10 of your facebook friends would never be your friend in real life.

   Don't you think its time for Life Alert to update their commercials.

   I often wonder what I've done with my life. But then my clinically sane friends visit me, and I remember why I enjoy being nuts!!!

   Sorry, but it was time he ended it. You're both going different directions in life... he's getting taller, and let's face it... you're just getting fatter.

   My buddy introduced me to the girl he's been dating for two weeks and referred to her as "the love of my life." Now I'm struggling to figure out why we were ever friends in the first place.

   I don't know how life is as a super hot chick. However, I have played a lot of video games and it must be similar to when you became invincible to everything in your path for 10 seconds. Just replace 10 seconds with "your entire life."

   Yeah, its nice you wanna tell me about yourself, your life is an open book. But how about we skip to the chapter where we hook up.

   One day you're gonna ask me whose life is more important? Yours or mine, I will say mine and you'll walk away never knowing you are my life.

   Just saw a guy hold the door open for his girlfriend, then playfully trip her as she walked in. So, chivalry isn't dead... it's just on life support.

   Has been watching your whole life ................. so don't even think about it !

   DINGLE BERRY: A small piece of poo clinging for dear life on the ass hair like it's the gym rope.

   If I'm ever on life support, pull the plug and plug it back in. See if that works.

   I'm at that very brief period of drunk right now where I love my life and everybody in it.

   There are few things in life more relieving than having a cop turn off the road after following you for an extended period of time.

   is You do realixe that by taking the time to read this status update you have just waisted like 30 seconds of your life. Pressing the 'Like" button will make it 31.