CzovCzov Funny Status Messages

   If you received a Christmas gift, but you didn't p ost a picture of it on your FB wall, did you really receive a gift?

   This getting up at a time I don't want to get up and going to a place I don't want to be is really starting to feel like work.

   Why pay to watch the new Twilight movie when setting yourself on fire is free?

   I heard Kanye West announced that he and Kim Kardashian are expecting a child. My sincere condolences to the child.

   So its safe to assume Kanye & Khadarshian's baby will have a huge butt and a huge mouth?

   Letsh Have Shex! - Horny Sean Connery

   No Microsoft, I don't want to Send an Error Report. Snitches get stitches.

   I was trying to make a sandwich. But I'm all out of vodka.

   Lord, I did as you asked and loved my neighbor. But now her husband is outside with a gun and… OMG NO STEVE I WAS DOING THE LORD'S WORK!!!

   I swear Taylor Swift only dates men for song material.

   Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.

   I wonder when my phone will start listing them as ignored calls instead of missed calls.

   Well, now I don't know the name of any professional cyclists.

   Planning to take my relationship to the next level this Valentine's day but I couldn't find a store that sells wedding rings for cats!

   Relationships are like @nal s ex, it looks so much easier in the movies.

   Do they have dressing rooms for you to try on a smart car before you buy it?

   I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.

   People are so rude to each other nowadays, that when one is nice and polite, it's considered a marriage proposal.

   I want my name to come up when you go to therapy.

   Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn't sing it out loud in public.