Funny Status Messages

   "RIP Joe Frazier... I Can't Believe He's Gone...I'm still shaking" -Muhammad Ali-

   Life could be worse....woman could get away with murdering their baby daughter while a doctor who gives his client illegal drugs and he dies could end up going to jail. Oh wait.....

   Facebook Shortcomings: Everyone in the picture is tagged, except for the attractive person I wanted to stalk.

   My level of maturity changes depending on who I'm hanging out with.

   Dracula + Tinkerbell = Edward Cullen. He is not a VAMPIRE. He doesn't feed on PEOPLE, he lives in the forest, and he sparkles. He is CLEARLY a Fairy.

   Time heals all wounds but memories reopen them.

   Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.

   Why does the new FB layout say "12 more recent stories", then when you click it, it takes you way down the page to the old ones??

   I dont know who gets around more " The Duggars or Hermain Cain".

   if she let's you keep your weed in her bra... wife that b!tch

   Be comfortable in your own skin, only serial killers are comfortable in other people's skin.

   Never forget what someone says when they're angry. Apologies are given when people are sorry that others heard their unfiltered opinions.

   In the timeless words of Devoe and his confidants Bell & Biv. Never trust a big butt and a smile, that girl is poison.

   If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. And if they refuse to be let go, get a restraining order.

   Now Wit #MW3 bein released 2day.there will B an increase of snack n Drink consumption, Lack of Sleep n Angry Wives/GF's All Around The World

   If you suddenly find yourself unable to access some parts of my Facebook page, don't panic, it just means I have quarantined and placed your stalkin' a$$ on the RESTRICTED list. Thanks Facebook for this great new tool.

   Serendipity - When an empty glass and a bottle of booze cross paths.

   Whatever you are, be a good at it. Even strippers have career goals.

   if facebook was a school, I swear i'd have perfect attendance.

   Every time I type "not" it auto-corrects to "Nottingham." I think I accidentally stole Robin Hood's iPad.