snotty Funny Status Messages

   If there's one thing I hate, it's self-loathing... If there's two things I hate, it's self-loathing and myself.

   I'm saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.

   For as little as $1 a day,,,, You can feed a family of 5 ducks chunks of bread down at your local pond.

   Hey guys, let's start a Ninja Club. First rule of Ninja Club is....wait, where the heck did everybody go?

   So sad that out of 200 countries in this world,, America ranks 35th in the world in math... But at least that keeps us still in the top 10%

   When you open your heart to someone, there is blood...... LOTS and LOTS of blood... And then you die. So don't open your heart.

   Tip: To avoid butterflies in your stomach,,, don't eat caterpillars.

   This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.

   Can someone please update my Facebook status for me. I had ravioli for dinner.

   STOP holding secret meetings about my paranoia!

   Too many herbs have effd up my omelet.... If only I could turn back thyme...

   The world world be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes

   Honey-girl,,,,, your skirt is so short ,,,, your STD's are showing

   Most Americans are overweight according to a study done by my eyeballs.

   OH NO !,,,,,,,,, I just realized I can't stop calling the addiction hotline....

   In the year is 2024.. Justin Bieber's cover of Mambo #5 has topped the charts for the past 10 years and has been declared the National Anthem.

   I Always carry $40,000 cash on me at all times,, You know,, in case I ever feel like getting a sandwich while I'm in the airport.

   It's been a while,,,,, Has Bono EVER found,,,, What he's looking for?

   My Cunning plan: 1. Go to the elephant house in the zoo... 2. Shout IS NOBODY GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM?.. 3. Elephant high-five

   If I ever go missing,,, I hope they put my photo on bottles of OCD medication, cuz you know those people won't stop looking.