Funny Status Messages
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i get the feeling that if Herman Cain gets elected, he's gonna call Congress "the cracker box"...a building full of white ppl or "crackers" 
It only took Kim Kardashian 72 days to realize that Kris Humphries wasn't black
We always want the best man to win an election, Unfortunately, he never runs.
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.
Just bought the entire Yoko Ono collection on Itunes. I got the Itunes receipt and they credited me 1,000,000,000 free songs.
walking in the mall today..saw a kid with 4 lip rings..suddenly had an urge to hang a shower curtain.
Friends are forever, until they are in relationship.
Facebook is going to start making high school reunions really awkward. “John! I haven't seen you in ten years! Wow, what have you been up to since that nap you took at 3 o'clock this afternoon?”
It's just as well money can't buy happiness. With prices what they are today, who could afford it anyway?
Those "Speed Enforced by Aircraft" signs don't understand how eager I am to get pulled over by an F-16.
Never hire an Electrician with no eyebrows.
Once you hate someone, everything they do is offensive. "Look at this bi*ch, eating those f*cking crackers like she owns the place!”
❒ Single ❒ Taken ✔ I'm still awesome either way. So who cares?
*finds out crush isn't at school today* "Damn, I wasted an outfit."
The voices in my head declined my friend request.
When a girl calls you by the wrong name, that's just spontaneous role-play, right?
I was absolutely shocked to hear that Kim Kardashian Is getting divorced. In other breaking news.....We landed on the Moon!!!
The opinions of fools are generally foolish opinions
What's the difference between a young hooker and an old hooker? The young hooker uses Vaseline and an old hooker uses Poly-Grip.
911 gets a call from a blonde saying MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE! the operator says calm down ma'am,how do we get to your house.the blonde says on your big red truck! 